Stress: Noun… ‘Emotional strain or tension resulting from demanding circumstances’

Feel like you’re on the verge of becoming a bridezilla or groomzilla? We asked 20 real couples for their top tips on reducing wedding stress…

On interference…

‘Don’t let other people influence your decisions. Worrying about them could completely ruin your day. Plan a wedding that both you and your husband-to-be will love and everything else will fall into place.’ Alex and Ivan married at Curradine Barns, Worcestershire

On location…

‘Central London isn’t always expensive. There’s so much choice (from pubs to private clubs) and prices vary. We went to a barn wedding outside London and the cost was greater than our town house wedding, five minutes from Buckingham Palace!.’ Sasha and Nikem married at 10-11 Carlton House Terrace, London

On sharing tasks…

‘The phase “too many cooks” applies here. If you want to involve family, give them a decision to make on a colour, font or flavour, but don’t give too many the freedom to comment on the wider day. We found it was counter-productive.’ Sophie and James married in a marquee at home

On relaxing…

‘Enjoy the planning process and don’t put too much pressure on yourselves. Go on date nights and remember why you’re getting married in the first place – LOVE!’ Rachel and Paul married at Stapleford Park, Leicestershire

On decor…

‘Don’t feel you have to stick to a certain colour or theme. Instead go with things that mean something special to you.’ Hannah and James married at Hampton Court Palace, Surrey

On willing helpers…

‘Include family and friends in the planning process as well as the day. Involve them as much as you want, but don’t try to make everyone happy – it’s impossible.’ Victoria and Ricky married at Gosfield Hall, Essex

On money…

‘Use a spreasheet! Agree a budget and try to stick to it. Dealing with the cost of a wedding is daunting, but if you prioritise what is most important to both of you, there are always ways to save money.’ Charlotte and Olivia married at Brympton House, Somerset

On perspective…

‘Try not to sweat the small stuff. I mean care, obviously, and put in the effort, but no one notices the tiny things and it’s really not worth the extra stress.’ Robin and Raye married at Upwaltham Barns, West Sussex

On venues…

‘Go with a venue that lets you use your own creativity and gives you free rein to achieve what you’re looking for. A lot of venues are extremely rigid when it comes to making changes and that’s not great when you have your own vision.’ Robyn and Henry married at Zorgvliet Wine Farm in South Africa

On suppliers…

‘Look for a venue that can manage everything – the ceremony, food, entertainment and where guests can stay. This removes a ton of planning, plus you’ll work with the venue’s planner which helps streamline things and reduce wedding stress.’ Kate and Jon married at Manor House Hotel, Wiltshire

On inspiration…

‘Don’t overuse Pinterest. I kept sending our wedding planner things I thought I loved – she was excellent at weeding out what didn’t match the theme.’ Ashley and Rob married at in a marquee at home

On keeping things simple…

‘My philosophy for the day was, “if people are well fed, they’re usually at their happiest”, so we went a bit overboard with the food!’ Hollie and Dom married at Aynhoe Park, Oxfordshire

On dress shopping…

‘Try not to stress if the first fitting isn’t like it is in the movies! There are often a lot of adjustments to be done and if you’re spending a lot of money on a dress, it’s easy to get a bit panicked.’ Georgie and Ben married at Newington House, Oxfordshire

On communication…

‘Create moodboards to share your vision with suppliers – it avoids confusion and misunderstandings.’ Stephanie and Paul married at Bruisyard Hall, Suffolk

6 more easy wins to reduce wedding stress…

• Discuss the M word [money] upfront. If family offer ‘to help with costs’, establish what this means. You may be picturing a gift of thousands; they might mean they’ll pay for the cake.
• Have a plan B for bad weather that’s as good as plan A. If it’s a UK wedding, anything can happen and the sooner you acknowledge that, the better.
• Be honest with each other. Don’t agree with an idea just to keep the peace, and that includes calling time on interfering (if well-meaning) parents.
• Ask bridesmaids to research ideas for their outfits. You don’t have to go along with them, but it puts suggestions on the table and gives them a stake in the decision-making.
• Manage people’s expectations. If you don’t have room for work mates to bring their partner, or for friends to bring small children, tell them early on. Don’t leave it until their invitation lands on the doormat.
• Remember, your friends and family want you to have a wonderful day. It’s not a job interview – and you’re not being judged!